


Teaspoon :: Happy Valenbirthday! by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Series: Beginning of a Journey [9]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2102373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10th Doctor. Part of my Beginning of a Journey series. It's nearly Valentine's Day and the Doctor and Rain's birthdays, so Alan takes his son and the triplets to Amour to get some presents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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**Happy Valenbirthday!** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=35104&chapid=80031) \- [5](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=35104&chapid=80031)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=35104&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=35104&chapter=all)   


Author's Notes:

This story is set when the triplets are eight years old. And theres a slight reference to the end of End of Time Part Two thats used for comedic effect.  
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5

  
  
Chapter One  
  
"THEN THE DOG AND CAT WALKED ALONG THE PATH TO THE STORE."  
  
Namid paused and thought for a moment before continuing. She was sitting at the computer in their house on New Gallifrey working on a story. The Doctor had turned on the option that allowed a computerized voice to speak the words back to her and the keyboard had Braille on the keys along with the usual letters and numbers. Thanks to her daily lessons in the TARDIS, she was able to read and write as well as her brother and sister and a year ago she decided to write a story for her mother and father for fun. They loved it so much that she kept on doing it and now it was a way for her to relax while at the same time make her parents happy.  
  
She tapped her chin thoughtfully. She was writing a silly story about a dog and a cat that were going shopping but ended up having lots of adventures along the way. She had just started and was wondering what to do next when she felt someone come up behind her and bend over her. She heard someone using the keyboard and she listened as the computerized voice said.  
  
"HELLO, NAMID, THIS IS ALAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
Namid smiled and typed…  
  
"I'M WRITING A STORY FOR MUMMY AND DADDY, UNCLE ALAN."  
  
When she stopped typing, Alan took over.  
  
"WHERE'S MY STORY? HOW COME I DON'T GET ONE?"  
  
Namid giggled and typed…  
  
"BECAUSE YOU ARE WEIRD."  
  
She laughed when Alan tickled her armpits before typing again.  
  
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TOMORROW IS?"  
  
Namid thought and then shrugged her shoulders. She heard Alan type again.  
  
"TOMORROW IS VALENTINES DAY AND THAT MEANS IT'S YOUR MUM AND DAD'S BIRTHDAY AS WELL."  
  
Namid's eyes widened. She hadn't realized it was that close to Valentine's day. Alan typed.  
  
"DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER TO GET THEM A VALENTINES BIRTHDAY GIFT?"  
  
Namid nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"THEN GET YOUR BUM UP OFF THE CHAIR AND STOP WRITING SOME DAFT STORY ABOUT A DOG AND A CAT AND LET'S GO."  
  
Namid giggled. She started to get up and paused when Alan began typing again.  
  
"I AM DEAD SEXY," the computerized voice said to her as Namid giggled harder. "I AM GOD'S GIFT TO ALL. WORSHIP ME. WOW, THIS VOICE IS BRILLIANT. I'LL HAVE TO USE MY SCREWDRIVER AND FIX THE VOLUME SO EVERYONE WITHIN A FOUR MILE RADIUS CAN HEAR ME!"  
  
"Quit that, Uncle Alan."  
  
"DOMO ARIGATO, MISTER ROBOTO."  
  
"Quit! I wanna go with you and get presents for Mummy and Daddy now," Namid said, sliding out of her chair.  
  
"POOP, PEE, FART, BELCH," the computerized voice said as Alan gleefully typed.  
  
"Uncle Alan, stop!" Namid said through her giggles.  
  
"Oh, alright, if I must," Alan said, logging off as Namid grabbed her cane.  
  
She started to walk off but Alan quickly picked her up and held her against him. She laid her head against his shoulder as he whistled cheerfully and walked into the living room with her where her brother and sister were waiting.  
  
"Well, come on, you lot, times a wastin' and we need to go get prezzies for your mum and dad and my little Rosie Posie," he said as Chaska and Sokanon followed her.  
  
Alan thought to his brother while he headed out the door. His brother was inside his TARDIS doing repairs while Rain was visiting her father as his house up the road. He told him that he was taking them to the park so he wouldn't suspect anything. After the Doctor acknowledged him and told him to have a good day, Alan held Namid close and skipped with Chaska and Sokanon as they headed back to his house. Once they reached it, they walked inside and Alan beckoned to Chris to follow him. Rose was off visiting Jackie and Alan volunteered to watch him while she was there and then went to get the other children when she left the house. They walked into the garage where Daisy was being kept and Alan did a little dance while he held Namid in his arms.  
  
"Oh, we're gonna get prezzies, prezzies, prezzies. We're gonna get prezzies, prezzy proo," he said as the children giggled and the three on the ground danced with him.  
  
Alan sat Namid down and opened Daisy's door.  
  
"Enter my sanctuary," he said in a deep voice. "But mind your tootsies. No tracking mud in my ship or it shall be forty lashes with the cat o' nine tails."  
  
He put his arm around Namid and walked with her as the other three scampered inside.  
  
"Oh, we're gonna get prezzies, prezzies, prezzies. We're gonna get prezzies, prezzy proo," he sang as Christopher closed the door and walked with the others towards the console.  
  
The children stood nearby while Alan dramatically started up his TARDIS.  
  
"You know," he said, pausing at one point with wide eyes. "I could push the wrong button and make Daisy go ka-blammo! Could happen."  
  
He finished powering up the TARDIS and bent down to the children.  
  
"The sound of the universe," he said in a low voice as he pointed to the rotor. "Or the sound of asthma, take your pick."  
  
He grinned when the children giggled at that and walked over to his monitor.  
  
"Right! Where shall we goooooooooo?" he asked as the children gathered around him. "What's that you say? American Civil War, right smack dab in the middle of Gettysburg? Odd place to find prezzies but if you say so…"  
  
"No!" the children yelled before giggling.  
  
"No? I thought you wanted the Battle of Gettysburg. Oh well, ears must be going wonky. Perhaps we can land in the middle of a big, murky swamp with a sinister haunted house nearby."  
  
"Okay," Chaska said.  
  
The children giggled when Alan stared at him.  
  
"And where exactly will you find presents for your mum and dad in the big, murky swamp?" he asked.  
  
"Um…in the haunted house?" Chaska said, shrugging.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alan yelled as the children giggled. "Instead, we will go to a nice planet I know of that has nice Valentine's things because the people there are all for loving each other and Valentines Day is a big, damn deal."  
  
The children laughed when his eyes bulged and he showed the same to Namid in her mind.  
  
"Oops, said a sweary word. Your dad and mum gonna hang me by my toenails for that!" he said. "Unless you never tell them. You won't tell, will ya?"  
  
"YES!" the children all screamed.  
  
"Well, poopy on you, you traitors," Alan said while they giggled. "See if I get you lot a big fluffy bear that talks and says, "I love you." Nope, not gonna do it now since you're gonna inform on me."  
  
"We won't tell," Sokanon said, tugging his right hand.  
  
"Uh-huh, now you want a bear, right? If there were no bear at stake, you'd go running right to your daddy and telling him I said damn to you, right? Huh, huh, huh?" he said, poking her stomach with each huh he said.  
  
"I love you," Sokanon said.  
  
"Nah, you're just saying that so you can get a free bear outta me," Alan said, sniffing. "I know when I'm being lied to. I have a talent for spotting fibbers."  
  
"I love you," Namid said to Alan.  
  
"YOU DO?" he said, spinning around and hugging her as the children giggled. "Aw, free bear for you then."  
  
"YAY!" Namid said as Alan paused and stared at her.  
  
"Wait, you're saying you didn't mean that? You lied to me to get the free bear?"  
  
"Yup," Namid said.  
  
She ran around the console away from Alan when his mouth dropped open.  
  
"Disobedient kids in need of spankings, that's what you lot are," he said as he input some coordinates into his computer. "Now…"  
  
He grinned and projected an image of himself into the children's minds. They all watched his mental image push a big red button and gasp as the TARDIS violently exploded around him. Mental Alan quickly checked himself as the children laughed.  
  
"Legs! I still got legs!" he said as he hitched his knee up.  
  
He tried to kiss his left knee and the children laughed when he let out a scream and fell hard on his ass. He blinked and looked at the children.  
  
"Um…I s'pose I lack the talent for kissing my own knee while standing," Mental Alan said as he got back up. "Anyway, what else do we got here, arms, fingers, ooo lots of fingers, lips, chin, nose…"  
  
The children laughed when his head morphed into the ninth Doctor with a Jimmy Durante nose and Dumbo sized ears.  
  
"I've had worse," he said, pointing to his nose and ears before his head went back to normal. "Let's see, what else is there?"  
  
The children laughed harder when Mental Alan's breasts grew until they were Dolly Parton sized.  
  
"I'm a girl!" Alan said, horrified as the children laughed hysterically.  
  
Mental Alan watched as the breasts shrunk back into his chest.  
  
"I'm not a girl," he said, relieved.  
  
A mirror appeared beside him and he glanced into it and looked at the children.  
  
"I'm still not ginger," he said, pointing to his hair.  
  
Mental Alan stood there, tapping his foot while the children giggled.  
  
"I'm forgetting something, aren't I?" he said to them.  
  
Mental Alan's eyes bulged when there was a huge KA-BOOM and a fireball whizzed past his back.  
  
"Oh yeah, I'm crashing," he said, shrugging, while the children laughed harder. "Okay then, GERONIMOOOOOO..."  
  
The children laughed when Mental Alan ran while he kept on saying the O in Geronimo. They bent over laughing when the mental image panned back and Alan was suddenly outside and running over a cliff, all the while holding the O as he fell off. Then the image panned back to about four miles and they saw Alan in the distance, still holding the O, as he fell down, down, down and landed hard on his ass on a rock.  
  
"Ow," they heard him say in the distance. "I think I broke every bone in me body. Bye!"  
  
The children giggled when they saw a faint golden light erupting from his body in the distance. Then suddenly the image zoomed in and they bent over laughing when they saw Kermit the Frog sitting there in his clothes.  
  
"Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog here and…oh my God, what's happened to me?" Kermit Alan said. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed as he waved his puppet arms about.  
  
Real Life Alan grinned when he finished projecting the mental image and the children cheered and applauded.  
  
"Thank you. Don't know why you're applauding my becoming a muppet, but thanks all the same."  
  
He glanced at the screen and grinned at the children.  
  
"Aha! The planet Amour!" he said as the TARDIS landed. "Now, everyone fall in and we'll go out and find some nice Valenbirthday prezzies!"   


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	2. Chapter 2

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5

  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Alan flung open the door of his TARDIS and looked around as the children came up behind him. He spun around and lowered his head to their level.  
  
"I brought us here, I'm multi-talented," he said in a hushed voice.  
  
"No, you're a dork," Sokanon said.  
  
The children giggled when Alan stared at her and projected an image into their minds of her strapped down to the ground and him doing a Mexican dance around her as if she were a sombrero.  
  
"That's what you get for giving me lip," he said, jabbing his finger in her face.  
  
He jerked it back and stared at her with wide eyes when she tried to bite it.  
  
"Oi, don't you bite my finger off, you little rat!" he said. "If you do that, I'll make you regenerate so we can grow it and make another me and then you'll be in double trouble!"  
  
"You don't scare me!" Sokanon said, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
"I don't. Well, give me time and I'll scare you reeeeeeeeeal good!" he said, imitating her defiant pose.  
  
He grinned and tousled her hair. He reached into his pocket and passed out the special sonar devices that would allow Namid to keep track of them. Everyone put them in their ear and Alan took Namid's hand while they walked off. The TARDIS landed in the midst of a commercial district with lots of quaint wooden stores that were reminiscent of shops in the 1800's. There were Valentine's Day decorations everywhere including a gigantic heart statue that stood in the center of a plaza. The heart was pink with an arrow going through it diagonally and Happy Valentine's Day written on it in cursive white letters. They paused to look at it while Alan showed Namid what it looked like.  
  
"That's one big heart," Christopher said, pointing to it.  
  
"Yup. Like I said, this is the planet of love. They celebrate anything to do with love so Valentine's Day is a big, damn deal."  
  
The children giggled when he feigned shock again.  
  
"My, my, I have quite a potty mouth, forty lashes with a wet noodle for me," he said as they walked away. "Now, where should we go to do our shopping?"  
  
He paused when he noticed a shop across from the plaza. It was a small wooden shop but on the top of it was a huge red heart that was blinking on and off. The letters in the middle of the heart said…  
  
RAJA'S VALENTINE EMPORIUM.  
  
"Well, perhaps we should start there," Alan said as he led them there.  
  
He paused just outside the shop and spun around to look at the children.  
  
"Now!" he said as they giggled. "I will not tolerate shenanigans. If you act up, you shall have your bums blistered until they're the size of hot air balloons. Is that clear?"  
  
"What about you?" Chaska said.  
  
"I'm an adult and exempt from such things," Alan said sniffing.  
  
He eyed the children when they snorted at that.  
  
"Mind your gobs or you will have hot air balloon bums," he said to them. "Now, let us enter and begin our shopping experience."  
  
They went inside and Alan realized that the shop was much larger on the inside than it appeared. The floors were made of white tile and there were seven aisles of shelves filled with an assortment of Valentine things. To their right was some shopping trolleys and Alan chose one. Namid held onto it while the children followed him down the first aisle.  
  
"Now, do you have an idea what you want to get your parents so we can narrow our search down?" Alan asked them.  
  
"Me?" Christopher asked, pointing to himself.  
  
"Yes, you. You have parents as well so what are ya getting me?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
They giggled when Alan stopped the trolley and stared at him.  
  
"Then I'll get you nothing in return, just remember that, Mister Smarty," he said as he walked on.  
  
"I wanna get Mummy and Daddy something pretty," Namid said.  
  
"And your definition of pretty would beeeeeeee…"  
  
"Pretty," Namid said to Alan. "Like flowers or teddy bear or something."  
  
"Ah! Very good. That gives us something to hunt for then," Alan said as he looked to his left at some heart shaped boxes of chocolate candy.  
  
He paused and examined one that was pink with a pink plastic rose on top of it.  
  
"I need to buy something for Rose," he muttered. "Something nice, something that's suitable for her, but this is a nice start."  
  
He looked at the children.  
  
"Anyone wanna buy candy for their parents?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I wanna buy Mummy that," Sokanon said, pointing to the end of the aisle.  
  
Alan looked where she was pointing and his eyes bulged when he saw a five foot heart shaped box that was lined with red velvet and had a black plastic rose on top of it.  
  
"I wanna get Mummy that biiiiiig heart."  
  
"And how are you going to pay for that fatty monstrosity?" Alan asked her.  
  
Sokanon pointed to him.  
  
"Don't look at me. I'm not lifting that hernia waitin' to happen into the trolley," Alan said. "I'm afraid you'll have to choose something smaller."  
  
"Make me, Tousle Head!"  
  
The children giggled when Alan eyed her. He picked the corner of his eye, examined a bit of grit he found there and tried to put it on Sokanon's head. He grinned when she squealed and ran around the other side of the trolley to her sister.  
  
"Let that be a lesson to you," he said as he pushed the cart.  
  
The children followed him as they slowly went down the aisle. While they walked, Namid suddenly saw her house in her mind's eye. The house was far back as if she was standing a half mile away while she was staring at it. For a moment nothing happened, then she noticed someone was moving through the house and passing by the windows.  
  
Namid? Her father thought to her. Namid? Where are you? Your mind is so far away. Too far to be at the park.  
  
I'm on Amour, Daddy, Namid thought back.  
  
She watched as the second floor center window opened and the Doctor stuck his head out and stared at her from off in the distance. She giggled when she saw a tiny white exclamation point appear above his head.  
  
Amour? The planet? What are you doing there? You're s'posed to be at the park with your uncle and cousin and brother and sister, the Doctor thought as his mental self stared at her.  
  
Um…it's kinda a secret, Namid thought back.  
  
She felt a privacy block go up around her mind.  
  
Okay, we have a block up. What's this secret? the Doctor thought as his mental self stared at her.  
  
Well, it's your birthday tomorrow so Uncle Alan took us to get presents for you and Mummy and took Chris to get Valentines things for Uncle Alan and Aunt Rose. It's a secret.  
  
Another exclamation point appeared above the Doctor's head.  
  
Aha, I see, sneaky things, the Doctor thought to her. But now what do I do? I finished with my repairs and was just about to come to the park so I could share in fun time and you're so far away from me. What do I do now, Namid? I miss ya!  
  
Namid smiled when a weepy violin began to play as a little dark cloud formed over the Doctor's mental self and it began to rain broken hearts on his head.  
  
I miss ya, Namid. You're so far away, the Doctor thought mournfully as the broken hearts fell and bounced off his head.  
  
I'm sorry, Daddy, but I'll be back soon with presents for you, Namid thought.  
  
You will? The Doctor thought.  
  
Uh-huh, Namid thought back.  
  
She giggled when the cloud zoomed away and the Doctor put his elbows on the windowsill and rested his head in his hands as little cartoon hearts wafted up from his head.  
  
Do you love your daddy? He thought.  
  
I love you loads and loads, Daddy! Namid thought back.  
  
The hearts increased over the Doctor's head.  
  
But what will I do until you get back, Mi-mi? You're so far away and I wanna give ya hugs now!   
  
The cloud returned and rained broken hearts on his head while the violin played.  
  
Why don't you go somewhere in the TARDIS, Daddy? Namid thought.  
  
Go where you are? The Doctor thought hopefully as the hearts rained down.  
  
Um…better not, cause we're getting you and Mummy stuff.  
  
The hearts rained down faster while Namid giggled.  
  
I miss ya though. I need to hug ya and I can't cause you're so faaar away! But…I will bear the separation so I can return the favor and get you and your brother and sister some nice things for Valentines. Would you like that?  
  
Yes! Namid thought.  
  
The cloud zoomed away, the violin stopped and the hearts wafted up out of his head.  
  
I will do that then. I will make my Mi-mi and Soki and Chas happy, he thought to her. I will undertake my mission with all the determination I can muster, even though I can't hug you yet.   
  
I'll hug ya when I get home though, Namid thought.  
  
Ooo, I can't wait for those hugs, he thought back. In the meantime…  
  
She watched as the mental Doctor put his hand over his mouth, blew a kiss and the Doctor's lips zoomed towards her and filled her vision as it kissed her. Namid mentally did the same thing and giggled when a huge pair of lips kissed the Doctor's face and he slumped forward with his head and arms hanging down out of the window.  
  
Wow, that was fantastic, the Doctor said as he straightened up. I'll have to get you something good to make up for that whopper of a kiss! In the meantime, you have fun and be safe, yeah?  
  
I will, Daddy. I love you! Namid thought.  
  
The hearts zoomed up out of the Doctor's head and coalesced into a huge, throbbing heart above his head. As the heart beat, the Doctor waved to her and Namid mentally waved back. Then the mental Doctor leaned back in the house, closed the window and the image disappeared from her mind.   


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: Happy Valenbirthday! by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5

  
  
Chapter Three  
  
The children giggled as Alan shuffled his feet and danced as he walked the trolley down the aisles.  
  
“Oh we’re here, we’re here in the shop and I guarantee that we won’t stop, till we find prezzies for your mom and pop, do do do dah do!” he sang as the children laughed.  
  
“Uncle Alan!”  
  
Alan jerked on the trolley and make a screeching brakes noise when Sokanon yelled and tugged on his sleeve. He jerked his head around and got down next to her cheek, snorting hard on it.  
  
“Yes,” he said as he continued to repeatedly snort on her cheek.  
  
“Look,” Sokanon said.  
  
She giggled when Alan continued to snort and she finally stepped aside so he could see what she was looking at. Alan’s eyes widened when he saw a large white box. On the front was a photo of someone wearing a Valentine heart costume that covered their whole body. The man’s head was in the center of it and there was an arrow going through it while the words HAPPY VALENTINES DAY was written under the man’s head. The man had on red tights and was wearing a red jumper with white cotton gloves and black plimsols. Above the photo it said, ADULT VALENTINES DAY COSTUME in black block letters.  
  
“Get that and wear it for Daddy, I dare ya,” Sokanon said.  
  
“Wear what?” Namid asked, coming up to them.  
  
Alan showed her the photo on the box and Namid giggled.  
  
“Yeah, get that and wear it, I dare ya too,” Namid said.  
  
“Me too,” Christopher and Chaska said in unison.  
  
Alan straightened up and scratched his chin thoughtfully.  
  
“Let me get this straight. You lot want me to buy this hideous costume and wear it for Brother and make a fool of myself, is that it?”  
  
“Yes!” the children said in unison.  
  
Alan stared at the box for a moment, then with an evil grin, he snatched it off the shelf and flung it into the trolley while the children cheered.  
  
“Yup, I love making an arse of myself for laughs,” Alan said as they walked away.  
  
Christopher and Chaska were walking behind him. Christopher giggled and leaned in to his cousin’s ear.  
  
“Chas,” he said in a whisper loud enough for Alan to hear, “make sure your dad has bow and arrows handy so he can shoot Daddy when he sees him.”  
  
They stopped and backed up, laughing as Alan turned slightly and felt around behind him for his son while he kept his eyes focused forward.  
  
“I know you’re back there, Chris, I can hear you breathing,” he said as he pretended to feel around for him. “I heard the shoot me comment and rest assured, you will have that hot air balloon bum by this evening if you don’t shut your gob.”  
  
He started to walk away but stopped short when a green skinned alien woman wearing black trousers and a bright red shirt turned and headed towards him. The woman had on heavy makeup that made her look like a green whore and she had a huge smile on her face. Her eyes bulged as she flounced up to Alan who backed up slightly when he got a huge whiff of the cheap perfume that was so strong if smelled as if she’d been bathing in it.  
  
“HELLO! WELCOME TO RAJA’S VALENTINE EMPORIUM!” she yelled in a high-pitched voice that was so loud the other shoppers stopped and came over to see who was shouting. “ARE YOU FINDING EVERYTHING YOU NEED?”  
  
The children giggled as Alan nodded.  
  
“Yes, yes, I am,” he said, trying to be polite as he turned on his bypass system to avoid gagging on the perfume.  
  
His eyes bulged when she ran up and planted a huge kiss on his left cheek before pinching it.  
  
“Aren’t you a sweetie? My name is Foofla; call me if you need assistance, Sweetie!”  
  
Chaska, Christopher and Sokanon looked at each other as Foofla ran off to assault more customers with her over-exaggerated cheeriness. Christopher went around to his father’s left side and stared at his cheek while Alan recovered from the kiss.  
  
“You got red lips from where she kissed ya, Daddy,” he said, pointing to it.  
  
“Blast,” Alan said as he rubbed his cheek and looked at his red palm. “She needs to restrain herself before doing that. I’m glad you said something before we got home. I can see Rose decking me for it.”  
  
He sighed and looked around, spying lavatories at the back.  
  
“Come on, kids, I need to wipe this lipstick off my face before I forget and I have to deal with the Bad Wolf from Hell,” he said to them.  
  
They walked back to the restroom and Alan told them to wait with the trolley while he hurried inside. The children stood by the trolley waiting while Alan washed the lipstick off. As they were waiting, Sokanon suddenly saw her father in her mind’s eye. She grinned and giggled when she saw her father in his TARDIS crying melodramatically as he knelt by the jump seat and pounded on it.  
  
SOKI! I WANNA HUG MY SOKEEEE! he wailed. I wanna hug my Soki and give her lots of kisses but I can’t because she’s shopping for meeeee!  
  
By now, he was projecting himself into all the children’s heads and they laughed as he got up, ripped the glass paperweight out of his console and began to smack himself repeatedly on the forehead with it.  
  
Soki, he thought as he pounded. I want my Soki and…ow, that hurts when you do that.  
  
He put the paperweight back while the children laughed and he put his hands in his pockets as he smiled at that.  
  
So, he thought, smiling at them warmly, how’s the shopping trip progressing?  
  
We found a couple of things, Daddy, Sokanon thought back.  
  
Anything for me? He thought to them as he ran up until his face filled their vision.  
  
No, Namid thought.  
  
They giggled when the Doctor’s mouth dropped open with an audible CLANG.  
  
Nothing? He thought to them. Nothing at all? You didn’t shop for me first?  
  
What do you want, Daddy? Sokanon thought.  
  
They watched while he held up a photo of the three of them and pointed to it.  
  
Hugs! He thought back.  
  
He lowered the photo and they laughed when his face scrunched up and he let out a whaaaa as he ran back over to the console, pulled out the paperweight and banged his forehead with it.  
  
I want hugs! He thought. And…I want brain surgery because I think I just damaged myself with this thing.  
  
He put the paperweight back and winked at them.  
  
Where’s Mummy? Chaska thought. Is she with you?  
  
No, your mummy is…well…  
  
He turned to his left and the image suddenly became a split screen. While the Doctor stared off to his left, they saw Rain sitting in a chair while her father sat on the sofa.  
  
“So anyway,” Rain was saying in an airheaded voice while her father nodded, “I just decided to go get a manicure because I was sooo tired of having uneven nails and I want to make my husband happy because he can’t stand it when I have uneven nails, ya know. Like totally fer sure, gag me with a spoon.”  
  
Mummy’s not saying that, Namid thought while they giggled.  
  
No, but I bet it’s something similar to that, the Doctor thought back. I’m sure your grandpa has to sit and listen to long boring conversations about nails and hair and exfoliating her skin and such.   
  
He winked.  
  
Nah, she and John went off to find you some presents as well, he thought as the split screen vanished. I believe Rose went with them as she told her what was going on so this’ll be a family affair. Speaking of, how would you like a special lunch date tomorrow?  
  
Yes, the children thought back.  
  
An image of Christopher appeared beside the Doctor.  
  
“Not you though, you’re not mine,” he said to the image.  
  
Fine, I’ll go with Daddy, Christopher thought back.  
  
Nah, you can come if you like. Besides I’m sure your mum and dad will take you somewhere to eat and you won’t have to come, the Doctor thought to him.  
  
Suddenly they saw Alan stepping into view and walking over to the console.  
  
And just what is going on here? Alan thought to the Doctor as he tapped his foot.  
  
I am speaking with the children, that’s what’s going on, the Doctor thought back.  
  
Oh yeah, who said you could do that without permission? Alan thought while the children giggled.  
  
The Doctor folded his arms over his chest.  
  
Oh? And since when did I need permission to speak to my own children, Childnapper, he thought to Alan.  
  
I took the children to get your ungrateful bum prezzies, High and Mighty, he thought back. So don’t backchat to me!  
  
The children laughed as a hose appeared in his hand and he doused the Doctor with a large stream of water.  
  
Oh yeah? The Doctor thought.  
  
The children laughed harder when he grabbed the paperweight and smacked him in the forehead with it.  
  
Ow, Alan said before dousing him with more water.  
  
The children laughed when the two of them took turns soaking the Doctor with the hose and bonking Alan on the head with the paperweight. Namid grinned and projected herself into the middle of them.  
  
Hey, you stop that, Daddy and Uncle Alan, she said to them.  
  
The children laughed when Alan opened the back of her trousers, put the end of the hose in it and watched as her back end ballooned up with water. Alan took the Doctor’s hand and he stuck his tongue out at Namid as they walked away and the bulge in her trousers became bigger than she was. The image faded and the children looked over as Alan came out of the restroom.  
  
“I see you have been speaking to the Doctor without my knowing about it,” he said to them. “For shame for keeping such a secret from me. On the other hand, Brother and I are now speaking to one another privately and sharing ideas on what to get you and the wives so even though you were engaging in deception, it will benefit you all.”  
  
He smiled at them and patted their heads.  
  
“Anyway, I have removed the offending lipstick from my face, thus saving myself a beating from the Misses. So now that’s been taken care of, follow me and we’ll continue to shop.”  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	4. Teaspoon :: Happy Valenbirthday! by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5

  
  
Chapter Four  
  
“Yawn!” Alan said as he wheeled the trolley down an aisle. “Why am I doing this? Why am I surrounded by such losers?”  
  
The children giggled as he abruptly stopped the trolley.  
  
“I’m sorry; did I just say that out loud? I only meant to think that. My baddy bad,” he said.  
  
“Uncle Alan, why are you so silly?”Namid asked as they resumed walking.  
  
“Why am I so silly? Hmmm, I think I’m meant to bring laughter and amusement to all who know me. To cheer their spirits and keep them happy because happiness makes me happy. As Kierkegaard once said…teddy bear.”  
  
“Beauregard said teddy bear?” Chaska asked.  
  
“Kierkegaard, not Beauregard, and no, he didn’t say that, I was just pointing out the teddy bear right there,” Alan said, pointing to a white, two foot teddy bear on the shelf beside them.  
  
He showed Namid what it looked like as he pulled it off the shelf.  
  
“Ooo, I want that. I want that for Daddy!” Namid said, jumping up and down. “Does it do anything?”  
  
“It fills you with joy and happiness and warm, fuzzy feelings,” Alan said to her.  
  
“Aw, I want a talking one for Daddy,” Namid said, disappointed, as she felt it. “And this is too small, I want a big bear.”  
  
“How big?” Alan said.  
  
“Biiiiig, a big, talking bear,” Namid said.  
  
Alan grinned and projected an image into the children’s minds of a fifty foot white bear with a big red bow around its neck sitting in front of the Doctor’s house. The children giggled when the door opened and a tiny Doctor stepped out of his house and let out a high pitched shriek when he saw the bear.  
  
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! The bear said in a deep voice as the Doctor ran back inside and shut the door.  
  
“Not that big, Uncle Alan,” Namid said, giggling. “Just big. I love my daddy.”  
  
“Do you love me too?” Alan said, getting down in her face.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Do I get a big bear?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“What do I get?”  
  
His mouth dropped open when Namid slapped his face and ran around the trolley.  
  
“That’s what you get!” she said while the children giggled.  
  
“Fine, you don’t appreciate me. I’ll mosey along then,” Alan said.  
  
He sniffed and stuck his nose in the air as he grabbed the trolley and walked off. The children glanced at each other as Sokanon took her sister’s hand and they followed him. Alan looked back and his eyes widened.  
  
“What are you doing now?” he asked.  
  
“Following you?”  
  
“No, go ‘way, creepy, mean children. Don’t want!” he said as he ran off with the trolley.  
  
The children giggled and chased him to the end of the aisle where he stopped abruptly and sighed deeply while he rolled his eyes.  
  
“Why must I be cursed with the bane of these children?” he said as they surrounded him. “Why am I doomed to have kindergigglies follow me everywhere I go?”  
  
“Kinder…what?” Chaska asked.  
  
“Kindergigglies. Word I made up, much like snooferfloofer or danglesprout. I do that from time to time.”  
  
The children glanced at each other and Chaska grinned when he projected an image into Alan’s mind of him in a straitjacket bouncing around a rubber room while he sang out, “SNOOFERFLOOFER, DANGLESPROUT, PIGGLYWIGGLY, NOONERBOONER!”  
  
“Okay, who’s responsible for that?” Alan said as the children laughed. “Who projected an I’m nutty image into my head without permission?”  
  
He put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot while the children stared up at him quietly. He looked at Namid and picked her up.  
  
“You! You’re the instigator of things. I’m betting it was you!”  
  
“Wasn’t me,” Namid said, shrugging.  
  
“Then who was it? Talk or you shall eat broccoli and heaps of it.”  
  
“You don’t scare me!”  
  
“I don’t? I think some broccoli in your mouth will change your mind,” he said ominously.  
  
Daddy, Namid thought to the Doctor, Uncle Alan is threatening me with broccoli.  
  
“I heard you do that,” Alan said, setting her down beside him.  
  
What’s this about threatening Namid with broccoli? The Doctor thought to Alan.  
  
I was merely saying that she was going to eat broccoli because she’s putting images of me being a barmy person in an insane asylum into my mind and I think she should be punished for that, he thought back.  
  
Quit threatening my children with broccoli consumption, Loony, the Doctor thought while the children laughed.  
  
What? That tears it, broccoli for you as well, old man, he thought to the Doctor.  
  
Everyone had an image in their minds of the Doctor walking up to Alan, prying open his mouth with a crowbar and popping a piece of broccoli into it before walking away.  
  
Oh yeah? Alan thought.  
  
The children laughed as Alan ran up to the Doctor, shoved him up against the wall and pressed him there with his body. They laughed harder when he held his jaw down with one hand while he threw pear slices into it.  
  
You wouldn’t dare, the Doctor thought.  
  
Oh no? Try me!  
  
The Doctor didn’t answer back and Alan called to him and frowned when he didn’t respond.  
  
“Oh for pity’s sake, Brother, I was only kidding about force feeding you pears, get over it,” Alan muttered as he and the children turned the corner and walked into the next aisle.  
  
Alan stopped and looked at some more teddy bears, picking out a small pink one for Rose while the children looked through them, trying to find one they liked. Sokanon held Namid’s hand and they went to the end of the aisle where the larger bears were. They were looking through them when suddenly someone tapped Sokanon on the shoulder. She turned and saw that someone was hiding at the end of the aisle and his hand was around the corner beckoning to her. Sokanon tiptoed up and smiled when she saw the Doctor crouching there.  
  
“What was that about me not daring?” he murmured to her.  
  
“Daddy,” Sokanon whispered as she hugged him.  
  
He hugged her back and smiled. Sokanon took her sister’s hand and led her to him.  
  
“Daddy!” Namid said.  
  
“Shhh, Rainbow, pretend to shop while I sneak up on Uncle Alan.”  
  
They nodded and went back to the bears, giggling softly as the Doctor slipped into the next aisle and slowly made his way up towards Alan who was now looking at some Valentine cards. The Doctor reached the end and peeked around the corner at Alan who had his back to him as he was reading a card. Chaska and Christopher saw him and were about to say something but he put his finger to his lips and winked as they nodded. The children stifled their laugher and watched with glee as the Doctor tiptoed up behind Alan.  
  
“WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT MAKING ME EAT PEARS?”  
  
The children laughed when Alan let out a gasp and spun around. The Doctor gave him a smug grin.  
  
“I can track your TARDIS and my TARDIS does know your brain wave patterns so finding you was easy peasy. Now about making me eat broccoli?”  
  
“No, I’m gonna make you eat a pear, old man.”  
  
“You do, young boy, and I’ll make you eat plushie bear parts,” he replied.  
  
The Doctor smiled when the children clustered around him. He glanced at Alan’s trolley.  
  
“Hope you haven’t bought anything for me yet and…what in the name of creation…”  
  
The children laughed when the Doctor picked up the costume box and stared at the picture on the front with wide eyes.  
  
“Surely, this isn’t for me,” the Doctor said to Alan.  
  
“No, it’s for me. I was going to wear it for all of you.”  
  
“Why?” the Doctor said slowly as the children giggled.  
  
“For laughs and to see your reaction?” Alan said hesitantly.  
  
The Doctor set the box back in the trolley.  
  
“Children, come with me. This man is mentally unhinged and needs to be sectioned immediately,” he said.  
  
“Look who’s talking, Broccoli Feeder.”  
  
“I’m talking, Pear Terrorist,” the Doctor said as the children laughed. “The fact that you wanna dress up as a big heart makes me question your sanity. Next think you know, you’ll wanna dress up like a bear and put lingerie on over the costume and parade around in front of us.”  
  
“How dare you reveal Rose’s plans for our evening!”  
  
“Oookay, come along, children, that was too much information right then,” the Doctor said as he started herding them away from his brother.  
  
He smiled when the children laughed and clustered around Alan’s legs.  
  
“Okay, I’ll leave them here, but only if you’re good.”  
  
“Good as gold, me,” Alan said.  
  
“Okay, I’ll go shop in another section of the store though. But behave…”  
  
He pointed his index and middle fingers at his eyes and pointed them at Alan. Alan held his hand up and showed him how still it was.  
  
“Shivering in me boots, Brother,” he said.  
  
“Know you are, now if you’ll excuse me, I wanna see what they have here,” the Doctor said, sauntering away from them as Alan stuck his tongue out and winked at the children.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	5. Teaspoon :: Happy Valenbirthday! by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5

  
  
Chapter Five  
  
While the Doctor shopped two aisles down, Alan continued to look through the cards with the children.  
  
“Lookie,” Alan said, showing his son a card.  
  
On the front was a cupid with a bow and arrow. The arrow’s tip was heart shaped and the cupid had blonde curls and was wearing a diaper. Alan opened it up.  
  
“It says….shot through the heart and you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name.”  
  
Christopher giggled as Alan played air guitar while he said, “Na nana nanananana nanana nanaaaaaa.”  
  
“Daddy, do you know about embarrassing people with the way you act?” he said.  
  
“No, but if you hum a few bars, I might recognize the tune,” he drawled as he popped the card back in its slot.  
  
He looked down when Christopher hugged him around the middle.  
  
“What’s that for?” he asked.  
  
“I love you, Daddy.”  
  
Alan’s hearts melted like warm cheese and he picked his son up and held him close to him as Christopher wrapped his arms around him.  
  
“You know, my little frog, I haven’t done this in awhile,” he said to him as he held him. “You’re getting bigger every day. Soon you’ll be a ten foot, thin reed that resembles me.”  
  
“Will you love me then?”  
  
“Course. I may have to step out of your way and dodge your spittle but I’ll always love you, Chris,” he said, rubbing his back.  
  
He kissed his cheek before setting him down on the floor. He looked around and noticed that only Chaska was nearby.  
  
“That was gross,” Chaska said.  
  
“Who asked ya, kid?” he said while Christopher giggled. “By the way, where are you siblings?”  
  
“They walked over towards Daddy,” Chaska said, shrugging.  
  
“Why didn’t you do the same?”  
  
“I was watching you hold Chris like he was a baby and kiss him on the cheek and gross stuff like that.”  
  
Chaska started to run off but Alan grabbed him, swooped him up in his arms like a baby and kissed his cheeks while Christopher bent over laughing.  
  
“My baby son,” he said while Chaska squirmed in his arms. “Don’t stray too far. Daddy might get worried and by Daddy, I mean me because I claim you in the name of Spain!”  
  
He set him down, hugged him and went back to looking at cards while Christopher and Chaska picked some of the cards up and made faces at them.  
  
_________________  
  
Meanwhile, the Doctor was eyeing some lacy pink teddies wondering if he should get one for Rain. He sensed someone nearing him and looked over to see Sokanon was walking into the aisle leading Namid by the hand.  
  
“Come to be with me?” he asked. “You know I need to be within two feet of you at all times or I grow nervous.”  
  
“Daddy, what do you want for your valenbirthday?” Namid asked.  
  
“Hugs, I believe I told you that before,” the Doctor replied.  
  
“I’m serious, Daddy.”  
  
“So am I, Mi-mi. I don’t need any fancy gifts from you lot. Just hugs and love.”  
  
Namid tugged on his jacket and the Doctor bent down.  
  
“Hey, I want you to make me a special CD,” she whispered.  
  
The Doctor leaned into her ear.  
  
“Ya do?” he whispered back.  
  
Namid leaned into his ear.  
  
“Yeah, I want another CD,” she whispered.  
  
The Doctor leaned into her ear.  
  
“Done,” he whispered before kissing her earlobe and leaning back up.  
  
Sokanon walked over to the teddies.  
  
“What are these?” she said, taking down a red one.  
  
“Those are special clothes that adults wear to bed,” the Doctor said.  
  
“For sex and stuff?”  
  
“Um…no…I mean…maybe…kinda, sorta,” the Doctor rambled as the children giggled.  
  
Sokanon showed her sister what it looked like.  
  
“You gonna get one for Mummy?” Namid asked him.  
  
“Weeeeeell, kinda considering it. Maybe,” he said to her.  
  
“Can I get one for Mummy?” Namid asked.  
  
“Um, no, this is more for Daddies, it’s a Daddy present,” the Doctor said. “At any rate, I’ll hold off on it until later.”  
  
He put it back on the peg and turned to go when suddenly Foofla came into the aisle. Her eyes widened when she saw him and she flounced up to him.  
  
“How ya doing, Sugar, finding everything you need?” she asked sweetly as the children giggled.  
  
“Um, yes, yes, I am,” the Doctor said politely.  
  
“Well, you know where I am if ya need anything, Cutie,” she said, pinching his cheek.  
  
The Doctor’s eyes bulged when she gave him a huge kiss on the cheek before flouncing away.  
  
“You better check your cheek, Daddy,” Sokanon said, pointing to it. “Cause she did that to Uncle Alan and got lipstick all over his cheek.”  
  
The Doctor rubbed his cheek and looked at the red on his palm.  
  
“Why are they even allowing her to do that? Doesn’t she know men have wives who might not approve of this,” he muttered as he walked away. “Come with me so I can go to the lavatory and wipe it off.”  
  
As they passed by Alan, Sokanon stopped the Doctor and walked over to him.  
  
“Hey, that weird woman came up to Daddy and kissed him too,” Sokanon said to Alan.  
  
“Oho, you also got assaulted by the hired help?” Alan said as he and the boys walked over.  
  
“Yes, I assume she thought I was you then?” the Doctor said as Alan looked at his cheek.  
  
“Apparently so, I’d wash that off before your wife went ballistic,” Alan said.  
  
“Precisely what I’m going to do,” the Doctor said.  
  
“Lavatories in the back,” Alan said pointing.  
  
“Thanks muchly, Pear Devil.”  
  
“You’re quite welcome, Broccoli Bandit,” Alan said while the children laughed.  
  
The Doctor walked back towards the back of the shop when he felt a privacy block going up around his mind.  
  
Are you having any luck, Thete? Rain thought to him.  
  
Not yet, I’m here on Amour with Alan and the kids. They’re in a Valentines shop, the Doctor thought back. Namid wants me to make her a CD, so I’ll do that for her but other than that, I’m clueless about what to get everyone.  
  
Just get them toys, Thete, I’m sure they’ll love what you get them. As for me…  
  
The Doctor’s eyes bulged when Rain showed him an image of herself sprawled in bed naked with a come-hither look on her face.  
  
This is what I want, she thought.  
  
Love, you’re making me hard just as I’m about to use the urinal, he thought to her. I don’t think I want the other men in the loo thinking I’m happy to see them, yeah?  
  
Sorry, Love, just wanted to give you an idea of what I want, she thought back. In the meantime, Rose and I will keep looking for you and Alan.  
  
Love, um…Alan found something and well…you might not like it.  
  
Oh? And what has the little Snotbucket found?  
  
A costume.  
  
What kind of costume?  
  
The Doctor showed her the costume and Rain groaned in his mind.  
  
Figures the little maniac would find something like that. Oh God, I better warn Rose so she’ll be spared the embarrassment. In the meantime, we’ll keep looking for that special gift for you and Alan and toys for the children.   
  
Before I forget…I want to take them out tomorrow for a special Valentines lunch before you and I have a little birthday supper.  
  
Ooo, sounds good, I can’t wait. It’s a date then.  
  
Yes, it is. Well, gotta go to the loo and wash the lipstick off my cheek before you see me.  
  
I’m sorry, what? Rain thought as the Doctor giggled.  
  
He grinned and explained about Foofla as he opened the lavatory door and went inside.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 5  
  
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